Let’s be honest: most of us have, at one point or another, looked around and thought, “Wow, I need to be more like them.” Maybe it’s that colleague who always has the perfect answer in meetings, or that friend who seems to effortlessly build relationships and crush goals. Maybe it’s the millionaire next door, the parent who always seems to have it together, or the leader whose confidence feels magnetic. We see these people, admire their habits, and wonder if we should try to copy them—lock, stock, and barrel.
And hey, there’s value in that. If you want to be a millionaire, study how millionaires live. If you want to be a great parent, learn from those who seem to do it well. Habits matter. Success leaves clues. But—and this is a big but—there’s a line between learning and losing yourself. Because being authentic isn’t about being perfect, or polished, or even popular. It’s about being real. It’s about living a life that’s true to who you are, not who you think you should be.
The Trap of the “Shoulds”
I’ll admit it: I’ve struggled with this. I’m decent at speaking, but only when I’m prepared. Put me on the spot, and I might stumble, sweat, or just freeze. I’m not the most polished person in the room. But you know what? I’m a team leader. I’m a servant leader. I work hard, and I care about the people I work with. I might not be the smoothest talker, but I’m real. And that’s okay.
We all have things we’re good at and things we’re not. But somewhere along the way, we start to believe that to be successful, we need to fit a certain mold. We need to be charismatic, always confident, always on. We need to shape-shift to fit in with the crowd, to please the boss, to win approval. But here’s the thing: when you spend your life trying to be someone you’re not, you end up living a lie. And lies don’t last. They drain your energy, erode your confidence, and distance you from the people who truly matter.
Core Values Are Your Compass
So how do you stay true to yourself in a world that’s constantly telling you to be someone else? It starts with your core values. For me, those are humility, integrity, and generosity. I try to treat people with kindness, to do the right thing even when it’s hard, and to give more than I take. Those values aren’t negotiable. They’re my compass.
Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor, puts it this way: “Care personally, challenge directly.” That’s radical candor—being honest with people, but also caring about them. It’s not about being harsh or indifferent. It’s about showing up as your real self, with empathy and courage. And that’s what I try to do. I’m not perfect, but I’m honest. I’m not always polished, but I’m genuine. And I believe that’s the kind of world I want to live in—the kind where people are real, not rehearsed.
What Happens When Being Yourself Pushes People Away?
Let’s face it: not everyone will like you when you’re authentic. Some people might be uncomfortable with your honesty. Some might prefer the version of you that plays along, that never ruffles feathers. And that’s okay. If being true to yourself means some people walk away, maybe they’ve done you a favor. Because the people who matter—the ones who respect you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be—will stick around.
I’m not saying you should be destructive or hurtful. Authenticity isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. But if your behavior is rooted in your values, if you’re kind, honest, and respectful, then you’re on the right track. And if some people don’t like that, well, maybe they’re not the right people for your life.
Success Leaves Clues, But So Does Being Yourself
You’ll meet people along the way who make you question everything. Who make you wonder if you’re good enough, smart enough, successful enough. Who make you wonder if you’re just a sham, if you’re faking it, if you’re not living up to some invisible standard. But here’s the truth: success leaves clues, and so does being yourself.
Look back at your path. What have you accomplished? What have you overcome? What have you learned? Those are clues, too. And more often than not, your gut feelings—your instincts, your values, your authenticity—have guided you to those successes. Sure, plan, prepare, and learn from others. But don’t forget to trust your gut. Don’t forget to trust yourself.
The World Needs More Real People
I don’t want to live in a world of shape-shifters. I want to live in a world where people are real—where they’re honest, kind, and true to themselves. I want to surround myself with people who show up as they are, not as they think they should be. Because that’s where real connection happens. That’s where real growth happens. That’s where real impact happens.
So if you’re reading this and wondering if you’re doing it right, if you’re wondering if you’re good enough, if you’re wondering if you should be more like someone else—stop. Take a breath. Look at your values. Look at your path. Look at your gut. And remember: being authentic isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. And that’s more than enough.
Related posts you might find helpful:
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Why Your Voice Is Enough – Chad R. Brown