How three words from my dentist made me instantly buy something I’d ignored for five years—and what it teaches us about why people ignore advice (even when they really shouldn’t)
The Technique That Changed Everything
Early in my career, I learned something simple about getting people to take action:
Stop saying “I recommend.” Start saying “you need.”
- “Recommend” = sounds optional
- “Need” = sounds essential
I used this for twenty years. It worked every single time.
People who’d been putting things off suddenly followed through. Compliance went up. Results improved.
I even started teaching this technique. I got genuinely excited about it.
My wife developed a specific facial expression for when I’d start talking about communication strategies at dinner parties.
Then last week, my dentist used this exact technique on me.
And I fell for it instantly.
The Five-Year Dental Standoff
For five straight years, every dental appointment included the same suggestion:
Hygienist: “Have you considered getting a Waterpik?”
Me: (tilts head thoughtfully) “Hmm, interesting.”
Hygienist: “It might really help your gum health.”
Me: “You know, I should definitely look into that.”
Then I’d leave and immediately forget the entire conversation.
Every. Six. Months. For. Five. Years.
Why? Because “might help” and “you should consider” sound completely optional.
And optional means “I’ll think about it later”—which really means never.
Why would I spend $60 on dental equipment when I can’t even floss consistently?
That’s like buying a Peloton when you get winded walking to your mailbox.
What Changed Everything
Last week at my cleaning, I mentioned this annoying gap between my molars where food gets stuck after every meal. It’s driving me crazy.
The dentist examined it, looked at me, and said:
“You absolutely need a Waterpik.”
Not “I recommend.” Not “you should consider.” Not “it might help.”
NEED.
What Happened Next
I pulled out my phone in the parking lot—before I even started my car—and ordered it on Amazon.
Next-day shipping. Like it was an emergency.
$59.99. Done. Purchased.
I’ve used it every single day since.
Day Three: The Realization
It’s Thursday morning. I’m standing at my bathroom sink using this thing (which, by the way, has SEVEN pressure settings—I’m pretty sure on the highest setting I could pressure wash my driveway).
And suddenly it hits me:
My dentist just used MY technique on ME.
The same word I’ve been using for twenty years.
The same approach I’ve taught to thousands of people.
And I fell for it instantly.
I started laughing. Out loud. By myself. At 6:30 in the morning. While holding an oral irrigation device.
My wife called from the bedroom: “Are you okay?”
I was not okay. I was having an existential crisis about my entire professional identity.
Why This Matters (And Why It’s Actually Funny)
Here’s what makes this perfect:
I know this technique. I teach this technique. I’ve seen it work thousands of times.
And it still worked on me.
That’s not embarrassing—that’s validation.
It proves this isn’t manipulation. It’s just how humans actually respond to clear communication.
We all ignore advice when it sounds optional.
Even people who literally teach communication.
Why Five Years of Suggestions Failed
Let me translate what I actually heard for five years:
- “You might want to consider a Waterpik” = “Here’s a thought you’ll forget in 30 seconds”
- “Have you thought about trying one?” = “This is completely optional and I don’t really expect you to do it”
- “It could really improve your gum health” = “Or maybe not, who knows, we’re just spitballing here”
My brain filed all of this under:
“Vague Suggestions I’ll Consider At Some Unspecified Future Date That Will Never Arrive.”
But “You absolutely need a Waterpik”?
That’s different. That’s not a suggestion—that’s a statement of fact.
Like “your car needs gas” or “your phone needs charging.”
No wiggle room. No escape hatch.
The Three Things That Made It Work
1. Clear Language
“You need” is unambiguous. One syllable. Zero room for interpretation.
2. Genuine Conviction
My dentist didn’t hedge. He didn’t add qualifiers.
He said it with complete certainty—like he was telling me water is wet.
You could feel that he genuinely believed this was the right solution.
3. He Could Back It Up
When I asked “Why a Waterpik specifically?”—he had a real answer.
He explained my gap problem, why regular floss wouldn’t work as well, how water pressure would solve it.
He didn’t just tell me I needed it. He explained why.
Where Everyone Gets This Wrong
Most people soften their language because they don’t want to sound pushy:
- “You might want to…”
- “Have you considered…”
- “It would be good if…”
- “You should probably…”
Here’s the problem:
When you soften language about something genuinely important, you’re not being polite.
You’re being unclear.
And unclear sounds optional.
Your teenager doesn’t need you to suggest they “might want to study earlier.”
They need: “You need to start studying three days before the test.”
Your employee doesn’t need “it would be great if we could…”
They need: “This needs to be done by Friday.”
You don’t need to tell yourself you “should probably start that project.”
You need: “I’m starting this project today.”
The difference isn’t about being aggressive.
It’s about being clear.
The One Critical Rule
Only say “need” when you genuinely believe it’s necessary.
Don’t use this as a manipulation trick. Use it when something truly matters.
My dentist didn’t say “you need a Waterpik” because he had a sales quota.
He said it because, based on my specific problem, a Waterpik genuinely was the right solution.
That conviction—that genuine belief—is what made it work.
People can smell fake urgency from a mile away.
But real conviction? That cuts through everything.
What This Means For Your Life
Think about where you need people to take action:
- At work: Are you saying “it would be good if…” when you mean “this needs to happen by Friday”?
- At home: Are you suggesting when you should be stating?
- With yourself: Are you using weak language about your own goals? (“I should really…” vs. “I need to…”)
The Translation Guide
| Weak Language | What It Really Means | Clear Version |
|---|---|---|
| “I recommend…” | This is optional | “You need to…” |
| “You should consider…” | Think about it later | “You need to…” |
| “It would be good if…” | Nice to have, not necessary | “This is necessary.” |
The Practical Application
Tomorrow, pick one thing you’ve been trying to get someone to do (or that you’ve been trying to get yourself to do).
Notice the language you’ve been using.
If it includes “should,” “could,” “might,” or “recommend”—and the thing is genuinely important—state it directly instead.
Watch what changes.
My Current Reality
I now own what is essentially a pressure washer for my mouth. It has seven settings. SEVEN.
I use setting three. Setting seven feels like dental warfare.
I use it every single day.
My dental hygienist is going to be insufferably smug at my next appointment. I’m already preparing myself.
And every time I use it, I think about how one word—said with genuine conviction—accomplished what five years of polite suggestions couldn’t.
That’s not manipulation. That’s just clarity.
The Bottom Line
If people keep ignoring your advice, the problem probably isn’t them.
It’s how you’re saying it.
Stop softening language about things that genuinely matter.
Say “need” when you mean need.
Say “must” when you mean must.
Your certainty gives people permission to act immediately.
My dentist’s certainty made me buy a $60 oral irrigation device before I even got to my car.
Imagine what your clarity could accomplish.
Your Turn
What advice have you been giving that people keep ignoring?
What would happen if you stated it more directly?
Try it this week—I’m genuinely curious what happens.
P.S.
The Waterpik is amazing.
If your dentist has been “recommending” one for years, maybe just buy it.
They’re probably right.
(See what I did there? That’s the wrong way to say it.)
Here’s the right way:
If your dentist says you need one, you need one.